Why Being Lonely Can Change Your Life

We live in a world where we are connected to everyone, every which way, sometimes losing sight of ourselves. The overwhelming stimulation we acquire daily is shocking, and people worldwide think it's the new norm.

Even with the constant stimulation, loneliness has taken a new form. Feeling involved, but not truly connected. Loneliness is scary to most people, no one wants to feel backed into a corner and not cared for. So, how do we embrace being alone and allow it to enlighten us? By allowing solitude to enter our lives in moderation, but to not let it consume us.

I have spent most of the past 5 years alone, and when I say this I mean without enjoying the company of the people who know me best or settling with a long term partner. I have kissed many frogs, who have either thrown me back into the dirty swamp or didn't turn into a prince. Through them all, some more significant than others, I have learned exactly what I deserve and what I am willing to tolerate. By being alone I have recognized strengths within myself I never knew I could hold. I am no longer afraid to pick up and leave the country, call out a man for being a dick, find something new and creative to keep me busy, or even dig deep inside myself to understand my innermost demons. It has just become part of me.

I was not always like this, and still have moments of regression, but over time I knew I never wanted a simple life. I didn't want to settle and be boring on a planet that had so much to offer. I wanted to be bold and learn new things about new people in astonishing places, and I wanted to do it alone for a while.

Here are six things I have learned by embracing my solitude.

1. Opened My Mind To Creative Outlets

Being alone can make or break you. You can decide to hop on a plane to Europe and stay in your room and binge Netflix every day or you can open your mind to new creative skills. The internet has its perks, and it is now easier than ever to break into a new idea that's been simmering. But your brain has its perks as well, when you have nothing better to do your brain activates some pretty creative channels. Throughout my time alone I have creatively:

- Began 2 new careers in tech sales and copywriting with no prior experience

- Took online SEO & marketing courses to help develop new skills

- Created a website and content along with it

- Designed and modified a product idea

- Drew out many new pieces for my art back home

- Wrote a business plan for a new business idea

- Wrote and composed a song, launching 1 in a collaboration

- Outlined a Sci-Fi novel and wrote 4 chapters

Keep in mind that I am a dreamer, with sometimes too many times coursing through my mind at once. So, I tend to start things I don't finish. This is something I am learning along the way. To focus on one thing and not get ahead of myself.

2. I Learned Resilience

I am overall a pretty hard-headed person, I can be the first to admit that. Although when I first started traveling I was extremely skittish and uncomfortable in new environments, and at that time I was traveling with a friend.

It took time and many "fuck it" moments to get to the place I am today. After a few meltdowns in 3rd world countries, I can now hop on planes almost anywhere in the world and feel content. I can travel to cities, learn about local transportation routes, communicate my needs, and meet new people everywhere I've been. Let me tell you, I peeled myself off the ground sometimes from fear, but those shining moments or friends and euphoric places kept me going and have made me stronger.

3. I Don't Take My People For Granted

I have been to 11 countries, some for long periods, and I have met some incredible people along the way. I have had friends near and dear to me for close to 20 years. People who have seen me at my worst and still love and accept me. It is difficult to find people like that in fleeting places, and it is a constant reminder of how lucky I am and how excited I get to reunite with them.

4. Got Me Active & Off My Ass

Loneliness will consume you if you allow it. We've all been there and we know the dangers of it. You have to be willing to outgrow the boredom.

When I first moved to Australia I had come out to live with a friend who had recently moved there as well. She ended up leaving shortly after convincing me to move 8,000 miles across the world ( Thanks, Maddy ). I was scared shitless to be in a new city I knew nothing about, but I refused to give up that easily. I got a place in Bondi, had no job, no close friends and the only thing I could think of that would get me exploring was running.

Before I knew it I was running 12-20 miles a week, exploring underground parts of the city, trekking the Bondi to Coogee walk 3 times a week, and lost 17 pounds without even trying. I was the happiest I had been in awhile, and I was alone. A win-win for me.

5. Loneliness Changed My Perspective On A Partner

This one weighed deeply on me. I never saw many healthy relationships growing up. It was a lot of "oh, well this is the norm", "I need you, please don't leave me.", "I'll take you back even though you've cheated on me with a quarter of the girls at our school."

Relationships are scary places to fall into when you're feeling lost. When you're in that space having someone by your side solidifies this feeling of contentment because you NEED it.

I have truly enjoyed the time I have had being single. I was very lost as a teenager and young 20-something, but I always had a strict understanding that I did not want to be in a relationship because I was lonely. I wanted someone I desired and respected in a place where I was blossoming and loved who I was.

When I was younger I felt like I needed someone because I was scared to be alone, now I want someone who can share mutual respect, communication, and love because now I finally love me, which gives me every ability to love them.

6. Allowed Me to Stop, Drop & Plan

Yes, I love my friends and family but they can be a lot. When I disappear for a while it allows me to get my life in order without the distraction of family outings and me and my friends hitting the bars 3-4 times a week. Alone time allows me to set up monthly and yearly goals to help set up my future and what I have to look forward to. It's okay to retreat for what is best for you, I think I a lot of people have difficulty with this. The people in my life know that I will always answer when they call, but they also have a solid understanding that I need my own time to reflect.

Overall,

I cannot sit here and tell you this happened overnight. It took years and many dark moments to come out into the light, and I believe it to be a skill I will master for life. Being alone is beautiful once you get there, in moderation that is. In the end we are human, and nothing is more sincere and desirable than soul connections.